Tuesday, February 06, 2007

This is a photo of the last piece of artwork I ever completed. (If you look closely you can see my signature at the bottom.) This is one of my ex girlfriends (the one I broke up with when I thought I was going insane). This is one of the only pieces I ever actually completed and is pretty much the extent of my “portfolio”, hence is the only reason why I choose to use a drawing of one of my ex girlfriends to show my artwork. All other samples in my portfolio would be unfinished drawings. I would start a piece and then never finish as it would take me so damned long to finish that I would move on to another project. Also, ...it always seemed to be such a prolapsing of the soul when I would draw. It was fun and very fulfilling for me yet at the same time it took so much of me. I don’t know why I haven’t drawn in so long. As I said, it was very fulfilling, yet I haven’t done it in 15 or so years. (Believe me, I have gotten a LOT of shit for not continuing with my art.) I mean, I was somewhere between 17 and 19 when I did this piece. (As I said, my concept of time is not the most accurate.) I should have went to school for it, I know. Perhaps another talent of mine I let go by the way side, as the saying goes. It just takes so much time. But then again, had I gone to school for it, it likely wouldn’t take me as long to complete a piece.

I remember when I showed a few of my friends, including Jack and Joe Smith, they thought they were looking at a black-&-white photo of my ex-girlfriend. *lol* It didn't register that it was a photo of my artwork, until I pointed out the signature.

Anyway, ...I have recently been inspired to start again. There was a series of drawings that I wanted to do that would be seriously “controversial” and as I started to grow stronger in my connection to God and such, I felt it best that I don’t continue the project. I’m sure they would be considered “blasphemy” on some level. Well, some only mildly so, and others seriously so. ...I don’t know if I’ll ever complete the series.

I also was mapping out 2 large battle displays that are supposed to depict the last great battle between Heaven and Hell, Law and Chaos, Good and Evil, etc. These were going to be very large pieces, about 3 feet high by 4.5 feet wide, all hand drawn. These two pieces I may well complete at some point.

But this is not what has inspired me to start drawing again. No, it is something else. I had made a list of things that I need to complete before I die, and finishing a few pieces are on the list.

I was toying with the idea of doing one of the girl I was starting to fall in love with. ...I mean, ...why not, right? I know I shouldn’t. ...But she is the first woman I’ve dated that I've even started to have those kinds of feelings for in over 7 years, ...and despite her not feeling the same way for me, her and I are certainly important to each other and we are very good friends. ...So, I think I am going to. ...Yah, I know. This will be the first time in 15 or more years that I have drawn, well, anything other than some basic sketches I was working on for my tattoos I want to get.

I also wish to do a piece for my good friends Brendan and Shari. They mean a great deal to me and I love them both dearly. I don’t get to hang out with them much either, and so I feel even more compelled to do one for them. ...I can’t do one for everyone that has had a significant impact in my life, but I feel strongly compelled to do a few.

I also would like to do one for Greg and Lauren Glassman, and their family. ...I’ve know them for about ten years now and I love them both so much and I miss them terribly. I had originally planned on doing a portrait of them and their whole family, pets included, but after much deliberation I have decided on something else all together. I don't think a portrait of their whole family is something they would really want. I have decided instead to do a very large sort of "collage" piece of many of the people within the CrossFit community who have been instrumental in the growth of the community or individuals who have been a part of it from the beginning or who have been very loyal and giving to Greg and Lauren. I think this is something that they would cherish and appreciate more. Afterall, it is the *community* aspect of CrossFit that I think Greg is most proud of and fond of. He has worked harder than anyone I have ever met, and has relentlessly strived at trying to "get the message out to the world" as far as a trully efficacious training protocal for everyone. His was an arduous task, a relentless uphill battle which he set out to face alone, taking on pretty much the entire fitness industry initially by himself with only the aid of his wife, Lauren. While they have been quite successful over recent years in their battle, aquireing many allies along the way and changing some of the pardigms held by many, an honorable feat to be proud of for sure, I still feel that it is the community that has been built and established through the growth of CrossFit that is what's trully in Greg's heart. ...Family. That being the case, I feel a collage piece would be most fitting. And so I have began "mapping" this project out but am still seeking better photos of some of the key players to utilize within the piece. It'll likely be about 2.5-3 feet high and 3-4 feet wide when completed. I really look forward to the day when I am able to give that to them, fully framed and everything. I love them both dearly and I want to do something really special for them.

This is, ...I don’t know how to explain it. This is perhaps the only way I really know how anymore to truly express my love for someone. I mean, ...well, that didn’t come out right. What I mean to say, is, ...I think this is the most I can “give” as far as “of-myself” as a way that I can show or express to someone how much they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them in my life. As I said, ...for me it is very much a prolapsing of the soul and I leave a piece of my soul behind within the artwork. ...There are certainly others that I should do as well, such as some of my close friends and family. But these are the ones that I am compelled to do right now and so is where I will start.

These are some of the things I have on my list that I must complete before I die. Hence, I need to start now.

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